Rambling On

Have you ever watched a movie, read a book, listened to a song, or heard a story that just made you stop? That made you feel raw emotions like you hadn't for a long time, and once it was done, you weren't sure of what you were suppose to do or what was suppose to happen?

How do you do that? You experience an event or an idea or an emotion that is so incredible, and how are you suppose to return to normal afterwards? Because doing anything other than just sitting there seems so wrong.

This is me expressing those feelings. I felt the need to sit and do nothing but my body wouldn't let me, so here I am expressing as much on my blog. While my blog is mainly about my travels, it is also about me, so here you go. This post has nothing to do with what I have been doing, but instead what I have been thinking.

I recently, and by recently I mean ten minutes ago, finished a movie called "Remember Me". This movie may be known for the fact that it has the wizard-turned-sparkly vampire in it who is called Robert Pattinson. While I think his acting could use a bit of polishing, I'm not here to critique that. Instead, his roughness here lead to release of raw emotion in this film that is just nagging at me, and I'm sure will still be doing so for the next few days.

Within this movie, it doesn't hide it's emotions. The characters lay it out to bare, and at times it was beautiful. The end though, made me sit up from the couch and just cry. I couldn't help myself. Any of you out there that have watched movies with me know that I cry at the slightest thing when it comes to films, but this was a bit different. The storyline itself could have been anyone out there, and maybe the feeling I have from watching it is the feeling that it did happen. Not to him, but to others. So the pain that I am feeling for a fictional character could be translated to pain for actual people.

But even so, what are you suppose to do when an art form, I guess, speaks to you in such a way? I have read books before, where I reached the end, put down the book, and have no idea what to do with myself. Because while on the outside I am no different than before I started the story, on the inside I am changed forever. To sit and think about it more would drive me crazy, because I would be feeling that pain, but to go off and start a new project or turn on the tv like nothing happened would degrading to those involved with the creation process, and doesn't ever seem right to me. So then, my question is, what am I suppose to do?

In this situation, I had the urgent need to write it all down. So does this mean we go to what is normal to us, what makes us happy? Writing has always been something atune to background noise for me. While I can write well, I have never really honed my skill so it sits, waiting for me to either get better at it or drop it completely. While I enjoy writing, I decided to pursue other options throughout my life as I felt that those were going to lead me to a better life. Yet, whenever something goes wrong, or I have an emotion that I can't explain, I write.

And even this. I didn't start out this post thinking it would lead me to writing. I was in a slightly confused state about what I wanted to be doing, the minutes after the credits rolled. I didn't even stop to watch the deleted scenes as I normally do. Maybe because it would have felt...cheap? I don't know. I can't explain it. But, it lead me to write.

So here I am, writing. I have always entertained this small little fascination in my head that I may one day become a published author. I have even written the dedication that would be in my first book (although, I think I would need to change it, because things have changed since I wrote it a few years ago). I have started dozens of stories, all only about 40 pages long before I lose the muse and I can't think of anything to write about, or why anyone would want to read it. But maybe, one day, I will become that published author, my name in bold on a hardcover book, one that you would see directly in front of you as you stepped in Barnes & Nobles with a 30% (or 40% for members) sticker on the front, as all seem to have. Would you read it because you knew me? If it sucked, I'm sure most of you would tell me because almost none of my friends or family believe in coddling me (thank god).

On other notes, I have an interview tomorrow. Yes, for a full time job. Yes, I am nervous. And yes, my boss did just call me and ask me to come in early tomorrow to get a project done asap. So yes, I am going to bed.

And, you should watch "Remember Me". Let me know if it made you stop and review your thoughts.

If you read all of this, my sincere thanks.